My Story

 I never thought I could be pregnant. With all of the surgeries and difficult issues. But I did ! It wasn't a surprise to me. I do not know how but I knew I was pregnant.  I just felt it and I hadn't taken a test yet. I was a bit stunned in a way and he was happy. It was time to plan for a change. There was just so many things that was just wrong with my body and carrying a baby. The medical terms they used, and the procedures confused me so much. I thought my job was to do everything they said and nothing else.
I remember going to my doctors appointment.  I was telling him I was in so much pain. His response to me was , " you just do not drink enough water". When he left out the room I asked the nurse the same question and she responded with the same thing. I just didnt understand why pregnancy was so painful. I drank so much water that it was too much.  On June 6th I went to work as I always did walk to the bus stop. But this day was different.  Two times cars pulled over and asked me if I needed help and I said no. I assumed they were being creeps. Anyway, when I go to work my pain was even worse. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't.  After being told I was in labor I needed to go to the hopsital. It took a hour before I went to the hospital smh. When I got there, the doctors checked me and was going to send me home.... when I was going to get my discharge papers they asked me to get another exam.... no one told me what was going on. They just admitted me to labor and delivery. I couldn't believe it. I remember crying and yelling like do not take my baby... a nurse told me to be quiet and just get an abortion. I was a mess. The next day on June 7th, I awaited the high risk doctor to come and see me and he then told me I had a fibroid that attached itself and it was pushing my baby out. He said my son would be alive for at least 3 days... that next moment I had to push and I had my first son. Unfortunately I didn't get to spend the 3 days. It was only a matter of seconds that he folded his arms and passed away in my hands. It was the most difficult experience ever. I didn't know how to feel or react to people.
When I went back to the doctors to ask what went wrong, he fave me the speech of I am 1 in 4. I asked about the issue of my fibroid and I got ignored. It was like.. it was like nothing.
In light of that every day on June 7th, we light a candle and keep his ashes out with all of his things....With all love

​

I remember going to the hospital because I felt so sick, and they kept telling me I had the flu. So finally, I went to my OB on February 11th, and he said, Welp, your test came back positive." I was so shocked. I cried. I told my partner, and it was a lot to process as we just lost our son the year prior. This pregnancy was different. Unlike the prior one, I had developed hyperemesis gravidarum, or HG. I couldn't keep anything down. Still, I was more hopeful than anything that I was going to have this baby. I went to the high-risk doctor, and everything was going well. I walked more, I ate better, and I was still under a lot of stress from school and work. I dropped out of school maybe two weeks before the semester ended because the sickness was too strong.
I often blame myself because two days before I had my child, I was cramping so bad. I thought, due to seeing my son in the ultrasound move so much, that was what he was doing in my belly. I had an appointment to get my cervix closed, and it was supposed to be urgent. Because my doctor knew that my cervix just opened early. Unfortunately, right before my appointment, the office called me to reschedule. I remember being at the grocery store a little upset, but I said okay, just 4 more days.
On May 2nd, I noticed that I was in a lot of pain and spotting. I tried to keep it to myself and had my mind set on keeping my appointment. So I pretended like nothing was wrong. My partner noticed I was standing funny and suggested we go to the hospital to get a checkup. Before getting to the hospital, I told him I needed to go to the bathroom. My water broke. I cried so much. As we waited for the ambulance to arrive, I just couldn't help but blame myself for not learning sooner. The ambulance came, and I sat outside for mybe 30 minutes so they could figure out what hospital to send me to. Once they picked one, I was left waiting and sent to the ER instead of labor and delivery. Because I was only 17 weeks. . When they took me to the triage area, it was a lot of back and forth. I thought they were going to save my baby because they told me to keep calm and said they don't kill babies. They give me a choice.
They told me they were going to do everything possible.
During all of that stress and crying so much, I didn't get to "pick" my choice. She kept giving me the negatives rather than the positives and what could be. The doctor basically chose for me. I didn't want to do anything with my mother there, so I waited for her arrival.
It was a hard process. On May 3rd at 3:33am, my son plopped right out of me at 17 weeks and 2 days. It was so sad, but having my mom there was better. We were able to get a book and his foot and hand prints taken. My mom wrote a lovely message in his memory book that I read every year on his birthday.
Thinking back, I wish I had made a different choice than the pressure from the doctor to give birth, because I do miss my son.
The bright part of this story is that I initially named my son Dominic, but because I kept calling him "baby Dom," I actually gave him his first name, Baby.
To my son, whom I miss.

​

It was a surprise to me. I found out I was pregnant right before Christmas 2022. It was a shocker because it had been years since I was pregnant again. I had dreamed of having another baby. I didn't think it was going to happen for me, but it did. Unfortunately, on New Year's Eve, I was told I was suffering from a miscarriage. I was told I needed to stay home and hold on to my baby. I went and proceeded to carry my baby. I found out I was having a girl, and everything inside of me changed. I felt more hope. I was having dreams that a little girl was going to be my child. I once again went to the high-risk doctor, and I felt like the doctor wasn't listening to me at all. He was telling me he had never seen a patient with an open cervix before at 13 weeks. He just continued to talk over me and talk about my blood pressure being high. I thought I had high blood pressure; however, I didn't want to be pumped up with so many medications while pregnant. He sent me over to the hospital, and I was not happy about it. It took them so long to do anything. They told me they "thought" I had an infection, so they pumped me up with medication for an infection and high blood pressure. I was waiting on them to give me a cerclage to close up my cervix. After spending time in the hospital, another doctor came to me and told me she couldn't give me a cerclage because they thought I had an infection. She told me that I would just have to miscarry at home. She said that she doesn't give out those vaginal hormone shots until 16 weeks, so if I can wait until 16 weeks, I can continue with my pregnancy. I went home and was very hopeful. I was upset because, when I saw my medical history, I had no infection. The next week came, and I felt my stomach in pain. I remember crying to my boyfriend when I had my daughter, and as traumatizing as it was, he had to help me bring her to the world on February 20, 2023. Sadly, she died the next day. My first ever daughter, Rhea Sky Renee. My beautiful girl, whom we miss dearly, did not make it. We love you always.

It was pretty funny because I was calling the OB to talk to them about my heavy periods. The woman asked me when was my last menstrual, and I had to think, Wait, I haven't had one this month. She said, Mam, you might need to take a test. I was like, no, because I already had a miscarriage this year, so I cannot be pregnant. I ordered one immediately. Behold, I was pregnant. I cried and cried. I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should stay pregnant or just have an abortion. It was too much to think about. My pregnancy was so different from the others. I just knew this was the one. My cervix was closed, and my baby was healthy. I had no pain and was feeling good. When I reached 12 weeks, the high risk told me my cervix had opened and my BP was high. I cried, but not again. I was doing so well. She told me she was going to admit me to the hospital to control my BP, and then we would proceed with a cerclage. I stayed in that hospital for three days. My BP was lowered, and they pumped me with too many meds. It was like every 30 minutes. I was so sick in the hospital, and no one checked on my baby. The last day I was there, they told me the doctor said she didn't want to perform a cerclage and I was just going to be sent home. Home ? I have been hearing for days. I was furious... When I got home, I tried to make so many calls to figure out what to do. When Monday came, I called the high-risk doctor and asked to see another doctor. When I got to her that Tuesday, she told me to lower my BP and proceed with cerclage. That was the plan. It took so long for anyone to see me. It took so long for anyone to check on my baby. I was given the document to sign, and my boyfriend and I were so happy. We were having this baby finally!! But no. We waited and waited. And we waited. No doctor, no cerclage. The morning of September 13th, they came in and wanted to check my baby's heartbeat. It took three doctors, and I knew my baby had passed. Minutes later, I found myself screaming and pushing out my son. We named him Prince. This story is short and hurts me the most because the doctors were neglectful, even more so, and once again I went home empty-armed.

​

This pregnancy was a lot of chaos surrounding it. Thogh, hopeful. I had finally gotten my cerclage as promised! I was so happy. I had plans . thre was a future. I was going to finally have my baby girl!! Unfortunately. I got sick traveling out the country. I was throwing up so bad. I knew my water broke then.. I came back to Nevada and found out my daughter had passed. It was so heartbreaking and devastating. Though, I know that it wasn't because of my cervix. My baby had an infection... 

​

I miss all of my babies. Andreas, Baby, Rhea, Prince, and Princess Placido. . . . My Angels